


My Wildest Dreamings Could Not Foresee

by CinnamonLily



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M, but close, ex-athlete Bucky, hints of possible past domestic violence, not quite Skinny!Steve, this is utter xmas present angst-fluff almost PWP for my dear friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 17:51:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5465537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonLily/pseuds/CinnamonLily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is an ex-rugby player who works at Sweet Pepper's, an ice-cream parlor owned by Pepper and Tony. </p><p>Steve is a guy that starts coming in with some of Bucky's friends/acquaintances (he's not sure which they are, really.)</p><p>Christmas Schmoop for my dearest HFS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hidingfromsomeone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidingfromsomeone/gifts).



> There are some hints at a past abusive relationship, but nothing major. Think of it like echoes in Steve's mind. If you're completely and utterly triggery about that sort of stuff, proceed with caution or skip. Thanks!
> 
> Also, yes, the title is a musical reference, because Anna loves that sort of stuff. 
> 
> (This hasn't been beta'd, sorry.)

 

Pepper nudged at Bucky for the third time that day. “If I didn’t know why you were doing it, the reoccurring zoning out would be freaking me out right about now,” she said so close to his ear that he jerked away from her.

“Jesus, Pepper, warn a guy,” he murmured and grabbed the rag he was supposed to be using to clean the counter with.

“Leave the kid alone, Pep, his dreamy soldier hasn’t been in since Tuesday. He’s bound to be beside himself by now,” Tony, her partner in life and business stated from his usual spot at the tiny table wedged in the corner closest to the counter.

“Yeah, _Pep_ ,” Bucky sassed, and got a pointed look in return.

“Go clean the tables. Those dishes won’t wash themselves.”

“Yes boss.” He saluted her while going through the waist-high swinging door that almost reached Tony’s table. Almost. More often than not, Bucky wished it would reach. He didn’t like Tony much, but he didn’t really _dis_ like him either, which all in all was a weird thing.

 _Sweet Pepper’s_ was the best old style ice cream parlor this side of Manhattan, and anyone who would try to claim different, would get death glares from all the regulars and all the staff. Luckily the vest Bucky had to wear as his work uniform wasn’t any hideous color, just something Tony called “sophisticated gray” which Pepper claimed brought out his eyes. The setting was pretty simple; pink and black checkered floor, bubble gum colors, all vintage style with some modern touches here and there. There was a bar at one end of the counter, and the window side of the space was filled by diner booths. Pepper liked to say the place was perfect in size for them, and Bucky tended to agree.

Then there was the corner booth, farthest away from Tony’s table. Right now, it was annoyingly empty. Normally Sam came in with his girlfriend Natasha at least every other day. Hell, those two often started date nights at Pepper’s. A while—okay, okay, two months, week and a half—ago they’d brought in a friend. Steve.

Bucky’s life wasn’t the same after one look in those blue eyes. Fuck.

He’d barely exchanged a dozen words with the guy, because Steve seemed shy and Bucky got all tongue-tied whenever he got too close, but…. There was something about Steve that just _called_ to Bucky, as much as he hated to think about it in those terms.

Now you have to understand that Bucky’s usual type was more… twinky. Like actually twinky. The small and light and easy-to-handle type of club boy. They were harmless, underwhelming in most ways, and definitely uninteresting.

Steve…. Well, Steve wasn’t twink. He wasn’t that tall, but there was this sort of strength in him that Bucky liked. Hell, if Steve had been five inches taller, he’d been a total stud. Now, with his overgrown military haircut and lithe form, he seemed almost too fragile to be the soldier Bucky knew him to be.

Sam had told Bucky that Steve had been in communications, never on the front lines in the army. Something about childhood illness that had left him with enough problems to get into the service by the skin of his teeth. It had been his brain that had proved invaluable to the Army, and that like Sam, he’d retired early for some reason.

A couple of hours later, Tony and Pepper had cleared off and Bucky was holding the fort by himself. Since it was still winter, they didn’t get the usual afternoon rush they would in just a month or so, but Bucky had been running his ass off for the last hour anyway.

It was finally calming down, though, so he made himself a coffee and dug out his sandwich from the fridge in the back room. He’d have to enjoy it behind the counter, but because their mandatory smartass shop kid Peter wasn’t able to make it that day, Pepper would just have to deal. Besides, it wasn’t like Bucky had choices or was breaking the rules on purpose just to piss anyone off.

He’d sat down and bitten into his sandwich, when the bell above the door chimed. Great. Before he could move to hide his sandwich, a rush of expressive Russian floated to his ears, and he smiled.

He heard her say bye to someone, then Natasha leaned onto the counter and slammed her cell phone down.

“Take that away and if anyone calls me, I’m dead,” she said, in English this time.

“Busy at work?” Bucky asked and put his sandwich down on the ledge under the counter.

“Oh do eat, I know how it is working alone,” she said empathically and gestured for him to go on eating.

Instead, he got up to make her favorite milkshake without asking.

“And yeah, Clint is somewhere, I don’t even know where, on some weird ass mission to get us a supplier for some kickass fabrics and I’ve been left with the shop. For three days now I’ve slaved there mostly alone, listening to the whining bride-to-bes who have much too much of Daddy’s money to spend and much too few brain cells to rub together….” She stopped ranting to grab the milkshake and sucked on the straw, then made a positively pornlicious sounds that made Bucky grin. Luckily there weren’t any families in the room just then.

“Why don’t you quit?” he asked, again, like he had each time she got this tired and frazzled in the two years he’d known her. “You’re not a masochist that I know of.”

She shot him a look that somehow managed to curl his toes. What the hell?

“Because I still owe him one year.” She sounded surprisingly collected now that she’d had a shot of sugar.

“Ahh, right….” Bucky nodded, as if he’d understood the situation between Nat and her ex.

“He put me through school, I promised to work for him for five years once I’d gotten my degree. Simple as that.”

“Yes, because you’re so different from the brides at the shop,” Bucky said casually as he backed away ever so slowly. “You know, with Daddy paying for stuff—“and moved away as far as he could to avoid her blood-red claws that were suddenly trying to get to his face over the counter.

“You’re a dead man, Barnes!” she hissed, and for a moment he actually felt a bit intimidated. Not that he had any illusions about her. She was tough as nails and physically more fit than him, for sure. And Sam said she could take him whenever they sparred, so there was that.

He stayed firmly glued to the wall and raised his hands. “Hey, I gave you extra chocolate sauce and doubled the amount of cherries!”

Suddenly she deflated a little, anger running out for some reason, and smirked. “You do seem to be awfully fond of this Daddy thing, Bucky…,” she purred at him.

“Okay, you’ve had enough sugar. Go, find Sam and make him happy.” He shooed at her with the cleaning rag.

Natasha took another long pull from her milkshake, grabbed her phone, and then carried both to the corner booth. Two second later she was texting vigorously. Bucky had a bad, bad feeling.

 

**

 

Bucky had the weekend off, so he went to see a romantic comedy alone, did some housework, took a cab to the shelter to play with the kittens, and on Sunday he went to the old folks’ home to play chess with—okay, maybe not.

On the weekend, Bucky took out his frustrations about the Steve situation—or non-situation—by going to a kick-boxing class and then fucking three twinks in two nights. It helped, temporarily.

On Monday morning, he did inventory in the storage closet and cleaned tables while Pepper handled the customer service. The tail end of lunchtime was always busy, people stopping to get a treat before heading back to work, so he didn’t have much time or energy to worry about possibly seeing Steve that day.

At least not until around midday when he was wiping down a whole booth after a family of single mom and three kids had spilled things all over it. He didn’t mind, he knew the woman had the hardest job on earth, after all.

He turned around from finishing the job and bumped into someone. A hard chest that came with a familiar chuckle.

“Sam, what…?” Bucky rubbed his nose glared at his friend.

 “I’m here to deliver an invitation, actually,” Sam said, grinning from ear to ear.

“You what?” Yeah, Bucky was a bit lost at the moment.

“Nat is having a thing on Friday, and she wants you to come,” Sam explained like this was a regular situation.

See, the thing was, Bucky had known Sam and Nat for couple of years through the workplace. They sometimes saw one another at a pub they all occasionally went to. But they weren’t off-work friends. They didn’t have one another’s phone numbers, they didn’t hang out on purpose, but they were friendly as hell inside Pepper’s.

“Uh….” he managed, then blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “But why?”

“Apparently you are, and I quote ‘interesting enough to distract me from the Clint fuckery so he should come,’” Sam said, even making the air quotes with his fingers.

Bucky gnawed on his lower lip for a moment. A thousand thoughts ran through his head.

“Who’s going to be there?” he asked, not sure if he’d be comfortable in a crowd.

He had some social anxieties that working at Pepper’s had helped with a lot, but he wasn’t good with intimate social settings where people’s attention could suddenly concentrate on him.

“Oh, just a couple of friends. Pepper and Tony might be by if they have time. It’s a big enough place for you to be able to hide, in case you feel the need to decompress for a while,” Sam’s tone was understanding.

“Wait, how do you--?” Bucky frowned at Sam.

“I’ve plenty of experience with all sorts of anxiety issues, PTSD, depression, OCD, you name it, I’ve dealt with it at the VA.”

Right, that was where Sam worked, a therapist of some sort for veterans.

“Right….”

“Look, you don’t have to come. I can tell Nat you don’t feel up to it and she’ll understand.”

“Just give me the address and the time, and I’ll try to be there, okay?” Bucky dug out his phone and put in the info. “Do I need to bring anything?”

“As Nat would say, just your gorgeous self.” Sam winked at him and went to pick up his order from the counter, before sauntering out.

Wait, had Sam just flirted with him or was he imagining things?

 

**

 

He had the whole week to discuss the invitation at length with himself. On Thursday, Pepper came to her shift at midday. She grabbed his sleeve and pulled him to the back room, while telling Peter to man the counter.

“You’re in trouble,” Peter sing-songed and Bucky wanted to kick the kid.

Pepper pushed him to sit on the little couch and pulled herself a chair.

“What’s up, boss?” Bucky asked, hoping to whatever deity might be listening that she had a complaint from a client or he’d done a bad job somehow. Just nothing personal, please, universe?

“It’s about Nat’s party tomorrow,” she said and there went those dreams.

“Okay…?”

“Are you going to be there?” she asked in an oddly maternal, protective tone.

“I’m not sure, really.”

“I’ll make sure I’m there with Tony and I’ll be your alibi if you need one, okay? I’ll fake an emergency here at work if needed.”

So here’s the thing, even after two years, Bucky wasn’t quite used to Pepper being friendly with him. She was his boss, and yeah it had been a while and all, but…. If he’d cared to take a closer look at his situation—which he didn’t, thank you very much!—he would’ve seen a pattern. He didn’t let people close. Or so he thought. They got close all right, he just denied it and didn’t like to do things with people. Hermit, yeah, that’s the word.

“You don’t need to—“

“James, please. I know it’s not easy for you, and even though Nat’s house has plenty of places for taking breaks, I worry about you sometimes.” She reached to take his hands into hers and gripped them both, mechanical and the regular one. “Ever since you got into Tony’s program and I first met you, you’ve felt sort of….”

“Like a pet project?” he tried to scoff.

Swiftly, she cuffed him upside the head and glared at him.

“I was going to say like a kid brother but frankly now I don’t want to, James.”

She looked genuinely hurt, so Bucky reached for her hands and squeezed.

“Thank you, boss.” He tried his best. “I’m not good with all this….”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.”

He got the vibe that she wanted to hug him and let go of her hands, fidgeting as if he was getting up.

“I’ll see you there, then?” he asked, and she stood, obviously reading him like an open book.

“I hope so.” He wouldn’t make definite promises, because they weren’t many he was able to keep, still.

Three years ago, Bucky had had a nice enough life ahead of him. He’d been an athlete, first soccer in high school, and then somehow after he graduated, he’d found himself getting into rugby. Now, at first he’d sucked, but he hadn’t been scared of taking blows, and so eventually he’d gotten better. _Much_ better.

He’d been on the cusp of getting into the World Cup team, when one night he’d been walking home from one of his serious practice-friendly jobs and out of nowhere, a drunk driver came from around the corner and smashed into another car. With Bucky in between.

Yeah. It sucked, he’d lost his arm and professional athlete’s career no matter the sport, really. He’d become a bit of a recluse to deal with the losses, and the world of sports didn’t stop for anyone. In the years after the accident, he’d gradually lost touch to pretty much everyone he associated with the time before.

When his surgeon had told him that Stark Industries had a program he would be perfect candidate for, he hadn’t been that enthusiastic. But then he’d looked into it, and now… now he didn’t want to even think about the first prosthetics he’d had before The Arm, as Tony called it.

Through the program, he’d met Tony, then Pepper, and the rest was history. Had selling chilled milk products been his plan at any point in life? No. But he made do and he could’ve had it so, so much worse.

 

**

 

Stupidly, it didn’t hit him until he rant Natasha’s doorbell the following night that Steve could be there.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

When you begin your life as a preemie with all the associated health issues, you kind of have your path set for the time being. Looking back at his early years, Steve had to be grateful to still be here. From a heart condition that had fixed itself as he grew up to the asthma to the constant illnesses before he turned sixteen…. Yeah, it had been bad.

By the time he’d finally started to get better, his mom had gotten sick. Sometimes he wondered if his body had somehow drained energy from hers, finally fed up on being weak all the time. Yes, logically he knew cancer wasn’t a spell of some sort from Harry Potter of whatever. It just made no sense how cruel the universe could be sometimes.

He’d lost his mother when he was eighteen, and it had taken him about six seconds after the funeral to enlist. They’d always counted on each other, and without her, he was adrift.

On hindsight he wasn’t sure if the army had been the best possible choice for him, but oh well. Too late to ponder on that now.

“Hey, Captain America, want some coffee?” Sam asked from the kitchen doorway.

Steve raised his hand and flipped his friend off from where he sprawled on Natasha’s couch.

“I’ll take that a yes!” Sam went to put the coffee machine on.

“You end up the poster boy for the CECOM _once_ and you hear about it for the rest of your life….” Steve murmured.

He was just about to fall asleep when Sam came into the living room and put a mug on the table.

“There you go.”

Steve thanked him and sat up, then took the mug and breathed in the fragrant steam.

“I need to go to the VA for a while. I might stop by Pepper’s on the way. Wanna come?” Sam asked in a tone so pointedly casual, Steve wanted to grin.

“Nah, I think I want to finish that drawing of Nat I’ve been working on.”

“You avoiding Bucky?”

“Who’s this Bucky…?” Steve tried to play it casual too and failed as bad as Sam had.

“Oh, just the guy you’ve been not-so-secretly drooling on since you got back. You know the one who always lets us know when there are new non-dairy products available at the shop so you get to enjoy some ice cream too? The one with the cool mechanical arm and awesome thick thighs and a high bubble butt? That Bucky?” Sam was beginning to sound like his girlfriend more and more each day.

“I….” Steve looked away from him.

“Steve, you know he’s into you, right? Why don’t you just do something about it?”

Steve was trying to formulate an answer when Sam added, suddenly alarmed, “Except if you’re not into him and we’ve been reading this all wrong and—“

“No, Sam. I’m… interested. I just… it’s not that easy for me, you know?”

“Well, he’s coming to the party on Friday, so….” Sam sipped his coffee all casual like and Steve wanted to strangle someone for springing this on him.

“Sam—“

“It was Nat’s idea, and you know her well enough to know she wouldn’t have given you any warning. I thought you needed some, though.”

They drank their coffees quietly for a while, then Steve looked at Sam and nodded. “Thanks, Sam. I appreciate the heads up.”

 

**

 

If Steve was completely honest, he knew why he was hesitant. Despite how Bucky was now, he’d been an athlete. Steve had done his research on the guy who kept giving him the perfect doe eyes every time he went to Sweet Pepper’s with Sam and Natasha.

It wasn’t just the jock thing, really. It was the rest of the information he’d managed to gather about the stunning, muchly brooding man, too. They were both damaged goods, as far as Steve considered. Trying something, as tempting as Bucky was, would probably turn out a disaster, and Steve was just barely hanging on whenever it came to new relationships, anyway.

He couldn’t blame the military. Sure, he’d been there during DADT and had his troubles and a couple of secret relationships with one pretty good scare. He’d even been in a straight relationship once, with a nice exchange student from the UK, back when Steve was in high school.

It hadn’t been until the very last year of his military career, when it had all gotten fucked up for real. The whole experience had turned him into someone else. The new Steve needed to be in control of everything. He couldn’t enjoy himself, especially in the bedroom, if he wasn’t completely certain that he wasn’t going to be hurt, again. Fucking Brock.

It had been a really good relationship at first. But then came the jealousy and the rest…. Steve knew that he’d never be the same guy he’d been before. Not even with Brock in jail for what he’d done. It was all over, but the issues he now had ran deep.

He had tried dating in the last year or so. He’d moved back to his old neighborhood and reconnected with Sam who he’d known for a while. They’d met in the military several years before. He’d even gotten a job at the VA through Sam, helping with advertising and whatever else was needed.

Natasha was a pleasant—and remarkably spunky—surprise, and when he’d lost his roommate at his last place and realized he couldn’t live alone, Nat had invited him to stay. He would’ve gone to Sam’s, but there wasn’t room. Natasha was gracious enough to understand the kind of relationship Sam and Steve had, and had assured Steve that he was welcome to stay for as long as he needed.

She was lovely and patient, and so very kind despite trying to keep up the tough chick image she had going on. She was a big softy when it came to Steve (and Sam) and they all chose not to talk about it. They’d gone from strangers to sort of weird kind of siblings with inside jokes and teasing, and for the first time in a long time, Steve felt like he had a family again. Even though his best friend wouldn’t move in with his new sister for some reason. He wasn’t sure what they were waiting for, but then it wasn’t quite his business anyway.

It had been a few months now, and Steve felt better than in ages. Nat liked to have a housemate, and even when Sam was there—pretty much every other night, it seemed—the house didn’t feel crowded at all.

But then came the party.

 

**

 

Something, maybe nervousness, maybe the hint of social anxiety he sometimes got, made Steve stay upstairs in his room when he heard the guests arrive. It wouldn’t be that many people, he knew that. It just made no difference to the fact that he already felt uncomfortable. So he stalled.

Eventually, he made sure he looked presentable in his dress shirt and jeans, and ran his fingers through his hair. Not that it helped much. His hair had a habit of either looking like a nest of a deranged bird or too slicked back. When he checked his watch, he realized the first guests had arrived at least an hour ago. Shit. Nat would be so pissed off! Quickly, he gathered his courage and turned off all other lights but the lamps on the bedside tables. He didn’t like entering dark rooms.

Okay. Ready or not…. He opened the guestroom door and stepped out, just in time to see someone coming down the hallway toward him at the end, looking stressed out as hell. Nat had left the light low upstairs to discourage anyone from going there to hook up, so at first Steve didn’t recognize the form stalking toward him in that slightly off, urgent and nervous way he knew very well.

“Need a breather?” he asked, and the man—shit, it was Bucky—stopped a few steps from him, looking at him with a deer in the headlights expression.

Wide eyes, panicked shallow and quick breathing, trembling hands. No, this wasn’t good.

Steve moved on pure on instinct, grabbed Bucky’s sleeve, and pulled him into his room, then closed and locked the door behind them.

He could hear loud laughter from the hall now, someone going for the guest bathroom, he thought. When he turned around, he realized he’d locked a virtual stranger into his bedroom.

“Bucky?” Steve asked in a tone close to someone talking to a spooked animal.

He was standing on the opposite side of the small room, as if looking out of the window, but Steve could tell it was a front. His shoulders were tense as he heaved one breath after another, visibly trembling.

“I’ll…. be okay… in a while,” Bucky managed to push out the words.

“Okay. I’ll sit on the bed and we’ll stay here until we’re ready to go back out,” Steve let his words be a statement of a fact, not a suggestion or a question. He had a feeling Bucky didn’t need anything less in this moment.

Pretty sure he’d gotten a nod in response, Steve moved to the bed and got comfortable. He leaned to the headboard and crossed his legs at the ankle, then closed his eyes and just listened for a while.

The toilet flushed across the hall. Footsteps went away. Bucky’s breathing changed into something less harsh. A fragment of Natasha’s laughter floated from downstairs. A car drove by the house. The neighbor’s Jack Russel terrier was yapping again.

“Thank you,” Bucky murmured, and Steve opened his eyes to look at him.

As if he was shy or ashamed, maybe, Bucky stayed with his back to the room. He wore something a bit fancier than usual and his hair was up in a neat little bun Steve hadn’t seen before. It was certainly nice. This way he could see a sliver of skin between Bucky’s hairline and the collar at his neck.

“Of course.”

“No, I mean really, Steve.” Bucky turned to look at him with such earnestness in his gaze, Steve felt the gaze somewhere inside his chest. “I…. I thought I’d be okay, you know? I’m fine at Pepper’s.”

“But it’s not the same outside familiar places,” Steve said, nodding. “I know. I have my own issues. Panic attacks, sometimes.” He added the last to let Bucky know he really wasn’t alone and that Steve wasn’t just saying he understood. He really, really did.

“I think I’m supposed to be feeling embarrassed right now,” Bucky said suddenly. Steve looked into his eyes and saw something akin to determination.

“Oh?” he asked, smiling slightly without meaning to.

“Yeah. See, there’s this guy I’ve been crushing on for a couple of months now, and the first time I get him alone in a room, I’m a total mess.” Bucky grinned at him in a way that he could only think of as “rakish.”

“Really, now?” Steve tilted his head and looked at Bucky from head to toe. “That’s a shame.”

“Mhmm… and now I’m wondering if there’s anything I can do to make the first impression better….”

It was such a 180 Steve didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. He knew what Bucky was doing, not that he minded, if he was completely honest. But if Bucky thought this was going to turn into a simple hook up just like that, he was at least partially wrong.

Bucky took a couple of steps toward the bed, nothing uncertain in the way he moved, slinked, forward. This had to be the club persona Sam had warned him about. Not that Steve needed warning, but it was good to be aware.

“Stop,” he said firmly.

Insecurity flashed in Bucky’s gaze when he stuttered to a halt right next to the bed across from Steve.

“It’s okay. I’m not saying no, Bucky.” Steve gave him a small smile. “Hell, I’m not even saying not now. You just need to know one thing.”

“And what’s that?” Bucky raised a brow at him, holding himself in such way Steve was pretty sure he was fighting against the instinct to cross his arms in a protective pose.

“If you want this, it’s not gonna be you who’s in charge here,” Steve continued in the same tone. “I’m not one of your club twinks, Buck.”

Something like alarm jerked Bucky’s whole body, and he turned his head quickly to avoid Steve’s gaze.

“None of that, now. Sam told me. Warned me, really. Nat said go for it anyway.”

Bucky gnawed on his full lower lip and made Steve feel like he should’ve gone and tugged it away from between the teeth.

“I don’t know—”Bucky started but didn’t seem to have any more words ready.

“If me taking control isn’t something you’re up to, I’m fine with that. But I won’t touch you if that’s how this is. I’m not a dominant, really. Not in the way some people are. But we all have our issues, and this is one of mine. I need the control, at least in the beginning,” Steve explained. He sighed and looked away from Bucky. “Mostly, it’s just that. People don’t tend to come back for seconds. I’m not easy to be with, Bucky. Not in any way. But this is me.”

When he looked at Bucky again, the thoughtful gaze he was greeted with made his heart clench. Hell, at least Bucky wasn’t heading to the door.

“I… I don’t date,” he stated, then seemed to realize that had been established already, and flushed lightly. “But I’ve….”

“Come here, Bucky.” Steve gestured around the bed and turned to sit on the edge.

It was obvious, had been for a while—even if he hadn’t been told by their mutual friends—that Bucky was interested. So maybe just this once he could try and keep his emotions out of a one night thing. He didn’t think he would be lucky enough to keep Bucky for longer than tonight, but at least then he’d know.

In the light of the lamp, Bucky was breathtaking. He seemed uncertain still, but there was bravery in him, too.

“I know this is new,” Steve whispered as he pulled Bucky a bit closer by his belt loops. “But this is the only way I can….” He swallowed hard and forced himself to look at the man in front of him, even if he couldn’t speak more right then.

“It’s okay, Steve,” Bucky murmured and kept still. “Just tell me what you want. How you want me. I… I’ll tell you if it’s too much.”

It was a strange dichotomy, how they both could be so certain and so fucking vulnerable at the same time.

“A kiss would be nice,” Steve managed to say, and then Bucky was right there, in his space, lowering his head but waiting until Steve took control and claimed his lips first.

Steve had always hated the way written fiction described how someone tasted or smelled. His mom’s romance books had done it, and even today, the books—straight and gay alike—Natasha left here and there in the house did the same fucking thing.

Now Bucky, he tasted like a man. Like someone who had maybe had one or two beers to soothe his nerves, and maybe he’d washed his teeth before coming here and there was a hint of mint in there too, but that was it. If there was something “uniquely Bucky” in the mix, Steve couldn’t tell. Mostly, because he was being swept away by the sudden thumping of his own heart and the heat pooling in… places.

He drew away, keeping his hand where it had somehow ended up around Bucky’s neck, and licked his lips.

“Well that was nice,” Steve’s voice sounded just as affected as he was, which wasn’t little.

“Uh-huh,” Bucky confirmed, eyes clear and pupils huge.

“Is there anything I should know, before we take our clothes off?” he asked, knowing well there might be surprises neither of them was willing to spring on the other.

“J-just my arm, really. It looks weird and scarred around my shoulder,” Bucky’s said a bit breathlessly. “There are other scars from the accident, but they’re mostly faded now.”

“Okay.” Steve nodded. “I have a thing where I don’t want anyone’s hands too close to my neck. Kissing there is fine, but no fingers. And there’s an appendix scar,” he lightened the situation before Bucky had time to think how he might’ve gotten his neck thing.

They smiled at each other, and Bucky gave him this “so what’s next?” sort of look.

“I wouldn’t mind making out more, on the bed,” Steve said, but stopped Bucky with a hand on his thigh when he came closer. “I need to be on top.”

Bucky nodded seriously, then grinned at him and sort of flopped next to him, before squirming up the bed.

“That’ll work,” Steve said hoarsely as he looked at the length of Bucky’s body.

From the hair that was just about to escape the bun, to the gorgeous body and the thick thighs, Steve appreciated the view. Hell, he was pretty sure the guy would be gorgeous from head to toe and everywhere in between.

“Just gonna look at me?” Bucky husked, and Steve gave him a grin.

Instead of answering verbally, he crawled to Bucky and settled halfway on top of him, then watched him for any signs of discomfort.

“I’m fine,” Bucky said, as if sensing the question.

“Me too,” Steve promised, and then they were kissing again.

Steve couldn’t quite let himself get lost in the making out, but it was fun. More than he’d expected. Certainly more than ever before with someone new.

When Bucky’s hand came up to his shoulder and smoothly moved directly to his hair, Steve lost some of his underlying tension. He couldn’t let Bucky control the kissing, though, so pulled away a bit.

“Clothes off?” he panted, feeling oddly restricted in his clothing, maybe even in his skin.

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed, and they quickly got undressed, squirming on the bed until they both were laughing as they tried to reorganize themselves on top of the covers. They both still wore their boxer briefs, but there was plenty to see and feel and taste even now.

Usually, if Steve got to this point with someone, there was either some awkwardness or just pure animal want and need. There had never been laughter before.

Smiling, he moved to lie on top of Bucky, waiting for him to spread his legs a little so Steve could slot himself against the slightly bigger body.

They were both hard, which wasn’t a surprise, but there didn’t seem to be a rush to get things going. They kissed in an almost lazy way, like lovers, not like two people doing this together for the first time.

Bucky rested his right hand on Steve’s lower back, but kept his left one on the sheets.

“What’s with that?” Steve asked when they took a breathing break, nodding toward the arm.

“Some people are weirded out by it. It’s not exactly warm,” Bucky said quietly.

“I’m not some people,” Steve challenged him, and Bucky gave him a quick grin, then moved the hand to rest on his back.

It was colder, yes, but there was something amazing in knowing Bucky trusted him with it all, too. When he moved the metal hand downward and grabbed Steve’s ass, Steve threw his head back and chuckled.

Then he got more serious and looked at Bucky.

“What?” he asked, releasing Steve’s flesh like he’d done something wrong.

“It’s not that.” Steve shook his head and grabbed the metal arm, directing it back to where it had been. “I’m just… you’re a top, right?”

Bucky blinked at him, two lines appearing in between his eyebrows.

“I know I should’ve said before we got to this point,” Steve hastened to say. “But this is… I need this. For the first time, I can’t….” He looked away again, trying to keep the horrible memories at bay.

It seemed like there was some sort of internal battle going on with Bucky. His body had tensed, but now it relaxed under Steve.

“I don’t bottom, normally, no. I have, but not anytime recently. Not in years,” Bucky confirmed his assumption.

“Okay, well we don’t have to—“

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t now,” Bucky cut him off and smiled at him, making Steve’s insides flutter.

He leaned down to kiss Bucky, nipping at the bottom lip, and then trailed kisses on his left side, down his neck and to his shoulder, all the way to the scars.

Bucky tensed again.

Steve lifted his head and said, “I don’t have a fetish, I swear. I just wanted to know how sensitive you are here.” Then he proceeded to lick the raised scar tissue where flesh connected to metal.

Bucky shivered Steve could feel his hips twitching under his own.

“I shall have to keep that in mind….” Steve murmured, then dove into another kiss.

Making out was much more fun when you actually had fancied the person for a while and they weren’t a random hookup. Because let’s face it, there was nothing random about this.

Steve rolled his hips against Bucky and ran his hands down each of Bucky’s arms, until they were holding hands. Then he lifted them so that Bucky’s hands were next to his head on the pillows.

“Keep ‘em there,” Steve ordered, and Bucky nodded.

Steve reached to the bedside table to pick up lube and a condom, mentally thanking Nat for being such a sneaky little witch.

He then took off his own underwear first and knelt between Bucky’s thighs, waiting for him to lift his hips to help him divest his. When he realized Bucky was being oddly still and quiet, he looked up and saw Bucky’s gaze fixed on his cock. So Steve wasn’t the smallest in that department, no.

“Hey, Buck?” When Bucky looked at him, Steve smiled. “You look a bit freaked.”

Bucky coughed. “It’s been a while.”

“I know, so you said. But I still need consent, and nothing is going to happen unless you give it to me. And you can stop this at any t—“he stopped talking, because Bucky was giving him the stink eye.

“Dude, really?” he asked, and Steve laughed at him.

“I’m just being a conscientious lover here,” Steve reminded him.

“Well you have the consent and I’ll call out a safeword if needed.” Bucky obviously tried to sound sarcastic.

Steve raised a brow at him while opening the lube.

“Red. The safeword is red,” Bucky said and rolled his eyes, letting his head thump back on the pillow.

Steve rubbed his lube free hand against the hair on Bucky’s thigh. First the right, then the left, never going anywhere too close to his ass. Not until he got another look that told him to hurry the fuck up.

Steve moved his fingers to Bucky’s taint, rubbing the skin there for a moment, then he leaned forward and licked his cock from root to tip while letting his fingers slide down. He could almost feel Bucky’s mental battle, but he relaxed again, and Steve rewarded him with swiftly taking his cock into his mouth.

Opening Bucky up was fun. He was so obviously into his ass being played with, more than any other guy Steve had ever been with. He wondered what hang up had made him stay on top for so long, but then who was he to judge anyone, being the king of hang ups himself.

By the time he got to three fingers and Bucky was almost at the point of babbling, Steve looked up and realized Bucky’s hands were still where he’d told him to keep them. Interesting.

He pulled his hand away and tore open the condom package, only to hear a little whine escape from Bucky’s throat. For a moment he thought it was all too much for Bucky, but when he looked at his lover, he saw only need and impatience in his eyes.

Steve rolled the condom down and moved into position, his cock poised at Bucky’s hole. Then he held still and glanced up.

Bucky shot him a nasty glare and ground out, “Fucking _green_ you asshole!”

Steve was pretty sure this was the first time he laughed as he sank into someone, the laughter turning into a groan.

He tried to control the movement, pressed his forehead against Bucky’s chest for a moment, but then he felt cool metal fingers on his ass, pulling him closer and sank the rest of the way in. Before he had time to comment, the hand was gone and Bucky was grinning at him.

“Now move,” Bucky told him, so he did.

It took him a moment to find the best angle, but it was very obvious when he did, with the sounds Bucky was making doubled and got so fucking loud, Steve snickered and placed a hand against Bucky’s mouth.

“If you want to stop, just tap me on the shoulder or something,” he panted out the words and got another nasty—although quite blissed out—look in return.

Because he couldn’t with one mouth keeping Bucky quiet, he told him, “Grab your cock.”

Bucky did, and it didn’t take them long at all to suddenly stare each other with almost shocked expressions, right before they were hurtled over the edge, one right after another.

Steve collapsed on Bucky’s chest, heaving and twitching a little.

“When did you know I was into you?” Bucky asked him after a minute or two.

“Two weeks after I first came in to Pepper’s,” Steve answered with certainty.

“How…?” Bucky started, then winced when Steve moved to pull out and stripped off the condom before tossing it.

“Well mostly because one day when we came in, maybe my fourth time or something, Sam wondered out loud why there were suddenly so many non-dairy options that he’d never seen before. Apparently there were at least five new additions all of a sudden.” Steve grinned at Bucky who blushed so hard it met with the flush on his chest.

Bucky turned to his side and hid his face into the pillow, mumbling something.

“What was that?” Steve asked as he settled down behind Bucky, taking the position of the big spoon for now.

“I said, I heard Natasha say you were lactose intolerant when you first came in…..”

Steve laughed and kissed the nape of Bucky’s neck. He was pretty sure nothing needed to be said.

 

**

 

When Steve woke up, the bed was empty, but there was a blanket on top of him. He looked around and realized it had to be morning, and Bucky was long gone.

Sighing, he rubbed his eyes and went to take a shower in a blessedly clean guest bathroom (there was something to be said about adult parties.)

When he was clean again, he went downstairs and found Natasha sitting by the bay window in the living room.

“He left around six. Seemed to be very thoughtful,” she provided, and Steve nodded.

He went to get his coffee, then returned to Nat and sat down in the corner of the couch.

“Give him a day or two, Steve. I think you rocked his world.” The way she said lacked any suggestion of a joke, of making light of the situation, so Steve just nodded again and inhaled the steam from his coffee.

 

**

 

He didn’t get any messages on Sunday, and he held on to hope that Natasha was right.

 

**

 

He was heading for lunch on Monday when his phone beeped with a text message.

_“More dairy free weirdness just arrived. Wanna check it out?”_

 

Grinning, Steve waved to Sam and headed to Sweet Pepper’s.


End file.
